Start the New Year Off Right

Most people, at the beginning of the newest year, make resolutions. You know, lose a little weight, learn to play the lute, stop after that fourth jaeg bomb. I decided not to go that route this year, opting instead for something I'll be able to follow through on and pay attention to all year: a dead pool. Since I'm not in an official pool, I can make up whatever rules I want, and here they are. Ten celebrities are paired with odds of their chances of kicking the bucket this year. Those odds correlate directly to the amount of points a celeb's death is worth. Bonus points are awarded for huge celebrity status, younger age and overall loss to the world. For example, Bill Clinton would garner bonus points in all three categories, and with his long odds would amass huge points. Fidel Castro, on the other hand, is a gimmee. No bonuses.

For those of you who think this game is sick, immoral and damnable, I agree.


Here's the list, starting with the best odds:

1. Kirk Douglas, Sparticus (2-1 odds)
He just turned 90 and looks like the grim reaper.
2. Carl Pohlad, selfish billionaire (3-1)
He's even older than Douglas (91) and can hardly speak.
3. Anna Nicole Smith, depressed idiot (8-1)
Not yet 40, ANS would amass huge points to accompany her huge...debt?
4. Gary Busey, raging psycho (12-1)
One of those deaths that, even at age 62, wouldn't shock anybody.
5. Dick Cheney, expert hunter (18-1)
It feels like he's one heart attack (or hunting expedition) away.
6. Larry Pfohl, AKA Lex Luger (30-1)
Pro wrestlers are good bets in any year.
7. Meatloaf, meatloaf lover (46-1)
Have you seen this guy lately? You eat what you are, I guess.
8. Danny Bonaduce, crappy gameshow host (60-1)
Former child stars are almost as bad as pro wrestlers.
9. Nicole Ritchie, perpetual dieter (75-1)
One has to eat to live, agreed?
10. Geraldo Rivera, respected journalist (100-1)
With all the hard-hitting reporting he does, it would be understood.

There's the list. Since nobody else is in this pool, I'll award myself points when I so desire. If you've got some shoe-in picks I missed, post a comment.